There’s reason to believe that Dejan Lovren is, in fact a buddy of Beelzebub and on a first-name basis with Stan (Satan). It’s either that or he’s a martyr.
No-alcohol lager, value added tax, a puppy limping by, watered-down tea and soggy crackers, a ‘cashpoint out of order’ sign, the smell of boiled broccoli coming from the kitchen when you’re expecting pork ribs, untangling your earphones, spilled milk and Dejan Lovren making a complete hash of things: these are a few of the little disappointments that snuff our godly spark of goodness and hope.
You might not know it, but each time Stranger Danger gets the better of the puppy-eyed Croatian, a haggard Monarch butterfly flaps its wings, and a comet in the Oort cloud, some 60 miles across and 186 billion miles in a galaxy far, far away, gets its trajectory tweaked by 1 degree by a hit-and-run asteroid. In the course of his club career, and in the grand scheme of things, all those flaps and angles will add up to the harbing-ing of Armageddon.
Dejan Lovren, is, in fact, an instrument of The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Devourer of Worlds, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Pal of Pan, Spawn of Satan and the Lord of Darkness, Buddy of Beelzebub and He Who Is The Reason Why American Evangelists Never Go Out of Business.