Viva Ronaldo

I would like to begin the article by shamelessly admitting that I, like innumerable others, was enthralled by football during its third wave in South-East Asia. First being the Ronaldinho wave, second, the Beckham wave and third, the Ronaldo wave. No, not the fat-now-slim-after-joining-a-reality-show Ronaldo, I’m talking about Cristiano Ronaldo, the wannabe-Nani Ronaldo.

The disturbing photo of the fat-now-slim-after-joining-a-reality-show Ronaldo

Now, drumroll, are you ready for it, let’s get ready to suck it. Okay, on a serious note, Ronaldo is returning to Old Trafford. Woohoo. This is journalistic gold. Have a dry news day; just publish a Ronaldo remembrance piece. I mean who doesn’t miss those good ol’ days of Rooney, Ronaldo and Tevez humiliating opposing defenses.

But wait, he’ll be playing for Real Madrid now, won’t he? And he won’t show a shred of clemency will he? I mean, he doesn’t get paid a ridiculous sum of money for having emotions. So what is it that we’re celebrating? A player, no doubt one of the finest of the modern era returning to a club he once played for, or as some would suggest “He is who he is because of Man U” (take a hint plastics).

Miss me, don't you? — Miss me, don’t you?

Much has been spoken about if-you-want-ronaldo-to-score-against-us-you’re-a-plastic. I get a little puzzled when the self-designated pseudo-football intellectuals belittle others. Every fan in India, or for that matter anywhere but the native country of a club, is bound to be attracted to a club that is successful. There is nothing plastic about that. All of us no matter which club we support, began supporting the said club because of the same reason, SUCCESS. If you beg to differ, I’m sorry but you’re one of the ABU brigade, an absolute disgrace not just to football but to humankind in general.

Football isn’t a first-sport outside of Europe, South America and Didi-censored-these-words-just-because-she-can. Now in a world like this, when Man Utd spotted the potential of minting money from merchandise sales in South-East Asia and invested a lot in the development of the sport there along with the Premier League’s growing prominence on television, the one player who was on the road to becoming the world’s best (Messi fanatics can please take as much offence as they want to) and caught the eye of the bourgeois people was Cristiano Ronaldo. He had the persistence, the passion, the flair, the eye for goal and would sometimes even look good. It was very easy to like him. Everyone instantly decided it was too mainstream to be a cricket fan and became “kRazY aBt fUtbOl”. It was a fairytale; Man Utd won 3 consecutive league titles and in the 2007-2008 along with the Champions League win, Cristiano Ronaldo scored 42 goals as a winger. Life was easy; there were no tough choices, no dilemmas.

Ronaldo looking urrr..good

Boom, as history is my witness, fairytales are called fairytales because they’re just that, effing fairytales. At the end of the 2008-2009 season Ronaldo expressed a desire to join the club he always dreamt of playing for, Real Madrid. Real Madrid complied placing an £80 million bid; having had a similar bid rejected the previous year. This time, the Glazers accepted and thus began what I like to call The Ronaldo Dilemma (I hope the phrase catches on someday for a situation where fans are unsure about which club to support after their favourite player leaves the club).

There was a huge exodus of fans changing loyalties from Man Utd to Real Madrid, some being honest and accepting that they were Ronaldo fans and not Madrid fans (Respect Bro) while some decided to denounce themselves as having always supported Real Madrid (Who are you kidding bro?).

Then there were those, who although were initially Ronaldo fans, realized football wasn’t a player-centric sport but a team-centric sport and stuck to Man Utd. Numerous allegations were made, debates that turned into mild fist-fights occurred, people were called plastics, papers and Piers Morgans. Someone even had their sentiments hurt and something was even banned because of it.

3 years have passed since then, people became a little mature, also decided Messi is a Messiah and Balotelli was included in the FIFA World Player of The Year shortlist. Ronaldo meanwhile was still looking good and scoring a truckload of goals.

Then something happened, lightning struck and boom, Manchester United was drawn against Real Madrid in the Round of 16 of the Champions League. The neutrals rejoiced, the pseudo intellectuals, hiding their joy said, “He’s moved on, so should we” and the romantics became nostalgic. All kinds of reactions emerged. The Stretford End faithful sang “Put him on a plane; Get him back from Spain, Viva Ronaldo”. In an ideal world, Ronaldo will score a goal while United will win the game. Now I have always believed that

Idealism trumps Cynicism, but Realism always prevails.

The reality of the situation is that yes, Ronaldo played for Man Utd. Yes, fans are partial about him. But he plays for Real Madrid now and he certainly won’t be scoring an own goal anytime soon.

I am simply going to watch the game and rejoice every moment whilst cheering for both Man Utd and Ronaldo.

PS: Even cynics, deep down, want to believe all the rumours (however preposterous) about him returning to Man Utd.

Also, sorry fat-Ronaldo, you know we love you no matter what.